my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You are a genius and a whore.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
