worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
