the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
