One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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