Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
