Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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