Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
