I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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