So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
