handjob tips. give me some.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
