we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
