i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im part way to drunk.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
