kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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