Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
