His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
