I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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