im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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