If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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