u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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