Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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