I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
