he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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