I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
