Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
