Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
