there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This baby is an asshole
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
