like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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