im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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