jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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