we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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