If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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