I have demons in me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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