Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
