Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
