1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
