i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
