U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want nice things and good sex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
