your thong is hanging out like whoa
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
