she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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