He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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