So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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