I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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