me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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