I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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