i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
