Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
