we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
