And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
