watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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