I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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