My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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