I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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