Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
