Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
